"In dog years I'm dead"
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
-- Dave Barry
"I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl."
-- Penny Ward Moser
"The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage."
-- Danish Proverb
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
-- Groucho Marx.
"The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch."
-- Michael Friedman
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
-- Aldous Huxley
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
-- Robert Benchley
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives."
-- Sue Murphy
"Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?"
"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
-- August Strindberg
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that that he can hold his own in the conversation."
-- Fran Lebowitz
"Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job."
-- Franklin P. Jones
"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"
-- Anne Tyler
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
-- Rita Rudner
"If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one."
-- Andy Rooney
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money."
-- Joe Weinstein
"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience."
-- Woodrow Wilson
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
-- James Thurber
"Buy a pup and your money will buy love unflinching."
-- Rudyard Kipling
"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."
-- Nora Ephron
"Rambunctious, rumbustious, delinquent dogs become angelic when sitting."
-- Dr. Ian Dunbar
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
-- Ann Landers
"We have not to gain his confidence or his friendship; he is born our friend; while his eyes are still closed, already he believes in us, even before his birth, he has given himself to man"
-- Maurice Maeterlinck from "My Dog"
"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein
"The uglier the dog, the more he or she is loved.
-- Martyn Lewis
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."
-- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
-- Ben Williams
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-- Roger Caras
"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
-- Edward Abbey
"Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it."
"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.."
"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does."
-- Christopher Morley
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
-- Josh Billings
"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."
-- Holbrook Jackson
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
-- Andrew A. Rooney
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion"
"Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."
-- Mark Twain
"I care not for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it."
-- Abraham Lincoln
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
-- Mark Twain
"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane."
-- Smiley Blanton
"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
-- John Steinbeck
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives."
-- Rita Rudner